Adventures with the Biffle

My presence was demanded. In keeping with the fact that I haven't slept in my own bed in two months, I made the journey from Duke University in North Carolina to Flowery Branch, Georgia. No, I didn't know such a town existed, either.

I stayed five days, in a house of horrors.

"And on this episode of Intervention..."

Beyond the hoarder-like qualities of the decorating scheme, it was all so... nice. And... decorated. 

Have I been around college students too long? Is this a normal thing? Do people actually take time out of their lives to pick out colors and matching curtains? And then do activities like vacuuming and dusting?

I'm so out of the loop.

Okay, well, making fun of Chris aside, I will continue on with the post... making fun of Chris.

First off, he is the cutest widdle snuggle bunny-

I accept the fact that he will try to kill me for this. I also accept the fact that I will probably deserve it.

Also, Chris attempted to teach me how to play Halo. It was an exercise into why we can't have nice things. Like the jeeps. We can't have jeeps. I immediately drove two off a cliff. And I accidentally killed Chris. Twice. He says the three times he killed me were accidents, but I really don't know how much stock I put in that. There was giggling.

Did you know that you can punch aliens? Did you also know sometimes they wander past you while you're figuring out what the buttons do? The moment was perfect. We raised a glass in celebration of my accidentally punching things.

There were a lot of accidents in playing that game.

We went to the mall! It was great! We had a lot of fun! Right up until the point where we were stranded outside!

See, Chris is in a wheelchair, through very little  no fault of his own. Which, you know, means he can't take the stairs. Which wouldn't be a problem if the service exit we took after the mall closed... didn't have stairs. And, you know, if the door hadn't locked behind us.

I knew at the time it was probably a bad idea. Sure, there was a lit exit sign, but were we actually allowed? And why did the door click so ominously behind us?

So I went on an exciting adventure around the perimeter of the mall to find help! Fun fact- when the mall closes, everyone leaves. So I spent twenty minutes looking for someone, anyone, to let me back in the mall. On random chance, I found the area that security vehicles were supposed to park in. "Finally!" I thought, "Someone who can surely help!"

There was no one there except for a guy from Sbarro who was desperately attempting to leave.

Having effectively begged him, he finally let me back into the mall.

Bonus plus points- I scared the shit out of Chris when I kicked the exit door open to let him back in.

The next day, Chris had a cold, so we stayed in.

He's kind of wimpy that way.

I love him. He's my twinsie. <3

Also his cats like me better