Thursday, June 21, 2012

I am the Phone Killer

Thus far, my craptastical phone continues to hang on to the last vestiges of life- probably due to some sort of Droidian voodoo or the Dark Arts.

This all started about a week ago, a couple of days before I was to journey forth across the continent. Lo and behold, my phone stopped charging! Even when I turned it off and left it attached to the charger, the battery would drain halfway! I took it to the Verizon store, which went something like this-

"How can I help you today?"

"Well, my phone won't charge. I keep it on using prayers and crossed fingers. Can you find out what exactly is wrong with it?"

(After some poking at the phone by the store person, including a few tense minutes when we realized neither of us really knew how to free it from it's Otter Box prison) "The charger port seemed broken."

"Okay. That sounds benign enough. Can you fix that?"


"Oh. Well then. Can I get my phone replaced?"


"Excellent! Can I get my phone tomorrow? The day after I'm leaving to go across the continent."


"I see."

"Also, you aren't listed on this account, so I have no proof that you didn't steal this phone."

"Great. Thanks for the help."

After fleeing with my phone (which, for the record, I did not steal, but in fact bought with my own dollars after my previous phone also stopped charging.

I'm beginning to see a pattern here.), I decided to take it along for the journey and see what happened.

Thus far, said prayers and crossed fingers have worked miracles. Not only does it occasionally charge, it only turned itself off twice! That means only two times this week that I've had to yell and curse and fiddle with charger cord and resist throwing the phone against the wall.

Raging success, I'd say.

Wednesday, June 20, 2012

Oh My Lord Berkeley

So I've been in Berkeley, California, for four days. Biffle and I flew in to bother mercilessly visit with Biffle-in-Law and for me to play with kids I've known since before I was a twinkle in my father's eye.

One aspect I wasn't prepared for was the botany. Sure, the squirrels the are the same, and a sparrow continues to be a sparrow on either side of the continent, but the plant life is radically different. In Georgia, mere hours from Appalachia, there is Spanish moss and gnarled oak trees and this weird ground vine that seems to pass for grass. I don't actually know what it is, but it's isn't a "lawn" in the traditional sense of the word.

Here, there are flowers everywhere. Every color, every shape, there are flowers hanging from branches and twisting on vines up stairs, on every privacy bush, sprouting from cracks in sidewalks. Wild jasmine is everywhere you look. No matter where you go, you can smell it.

Another were the sheer number of dirt-cheap bookstores. I've been really, really good. Shockingly good. Disgustingly good. I've only bought two fucking books after visiting four fucking discount bookstores. If that doesn't gain me entry into some sort of heaven, I don't know what will.

There's also a plethora of hole-in-the-wall, family-owned, cheap ethnic food. There's a Mexican restaurant where I have yet to actually pay for food, since the two owners are friends with Biffle-in-Law. They've invited me to come in any time and eat all their food and refuse to take my money, even when I throw it at them and flee the building.

They follow me and give it back.

I am seriously considering having Zombie Fishfish, Warrior Princess, and Husband shipped to me and just never leaving. Because I have entered what is the closest scenario to Paradise.

Wednesday, June 13, 2012

Zombie Fishfish

Apparently, every possible freaking name possible for a blog URL was taken, except for

For the record, this is named after my fishy-

Zombie Fishfish, Warrior Princess, in all her glory

Zombie Fishfish is a survivor. She battled the water filter the first day I had her and won! The filter was replaced. The fish, thankfully, was not.

I guess this blog is somewhat dedicated to her, since she lives on my desk and provides valuable aquatic feedback.

May the shenanigans ensue!